I had a go at translating some of my favourite lyrics.
I was wondering if someone could check it for mistakes? Especially the -ing verbs. Thanks

She's my fave, || Ŝi estas mia favorata,
Undressing in the sun. || Malvestanta en la suno.
Return to sea by... || Revenu al maro per...
Forgetting everyone. || forgesanta ĉes.
Eleven high. || Dek unu alta.
Ride a wave. || Rajdu ondo.

Leke:I had a go at translating some of my favourite lyrics.
I was wondering if someone could check it for mistakes? Especially the -ing verbs. Thanks

1.She's my fave, || Ŝi estas mia favorata,
2.Undressing in the sun. || Malvestanta en la suno.
3.Return to sea by... || Revenu al maro per...
4.Forgetting everyone. || forgesanta ĉes.
5.Eleven high. || Dek unu alta.
6.Ride a wave. || Rajdu ondo.

1. I think "plej ŝatata" (she's the one I like best)is better than "favorata" (she's the one I favor) in this case, but it depends on the meaning you want to communicate.

2. "Malvestante (min?, vin?) sub la suno"- use the adverb form in this case because there's no object for the adjective. You could also say "senvestigante."

3. The incomplete phrase needs to be better defined. Does "return to sea by..." imply the means by which one is to return to sea (Return to sea by boat), the way by which one is to reach the sea (Return to sea by this road), the latest time by which one is to return to sea (Return to sea by tomorrow) and there are other possible meanings implied with a different translation for each one.

4. Forgesante ĉiujn

5. Does this mean something along the lines of objects stacked eleven high. In that case "(Ili estas) altaj je dek unu." I've sometimes (but rarely) heard this said to mean "exactly at 11 o'clock." (Precize je la dek unu).

6. I suppose you could say "rajdu ondon" but it seems to me that rajdu sur ondo" is clearer.

Konsiloj pri tradukado de kantoj. Recommendations for translation of songs (into Esperanto)

Mustelvulpo:

Leke:I had a go at translating some of my favourite lyrics.
I was wondering if someone could check it for mistakes? Especially the -ing verbs. Thanks

1.She's my fave, || Ŝi estas mia favorata,
2.Undressing in the sun. || Malvestanta en la suno.
3.Return to sea by... || Revenu al maro per...
4.Forgetting everyone. || forgesanta ĉes.
5.Eleven high. || Dek unu alta.
6.Ride a wave. || Rajdu ondo.

1. I think "plej ŝatata" (she's the one I like best)is better than "favorata" (she's the one I favor) in this case, but it depends on the meaning you want to communicate.

2. "Malvestante (min?, vin?) sub la suno"- use the adverb form in this case because there's no object for the adjective. You could also say "senvestigante."

3. The incomplete phrase needs to be better defined. Does "return to sea by..." imply the means by which one is to return to sea (Return to sea by boat), the way by which one is to reach the sea (Return to sea by this road), the latest time by which one is to return to sea (Return to sea by tomorrow) and there are other possible meanings implied with a different translation for each one.

4. Forgesante ĉiujn

5. Does this mean something along the lines of objects stacked eleven high. In that case "(Ili estas) altaj je dek unu." I've sometimes (but rarely) heard this said to mean "exactly at 11 o'clock." (Precize je la dek unu).

6. I suppose you could say "rajdu ondon" but it seems to me that rajdu sur ondo" is clearer.

Thanks for the corrections.

3 & 4. 'Return to sea by forgetting everyone' I think this is like when you think of a favourite place and 'go' there with your imagination. In this case, by forgetting about everyone, she goes (back) to the sea -- her special place.

5. I think 'Eleven high' is referring to an eleven foot wave (surfing term) like, "Check out that eleven high!".

I'm sorry, I saw each line separately and didn't connect them. If you're translating it as a song, you'd probably want to rework the lines so that the rhyme is preserved. Something like:

Malvestante sub la suno, ŝi tre allogas min
Forgesante ĉiujn, la maro alvokas ŝin
Rajdante sur la altaj ondoj...

Or something along those lines.