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Could You glance at this text? :)

af Tuco, 18. okt. 2012

Meddelelser: 5

Sprog: English

Tuco (Vise profilen) 18. okt. 2012 10.29.28

Saluton!
Dear English Speakers please look at this text which I have written. I know that this is a clumsy translation but I just need a comprehensible, not a beautiful textridulo.gif Please let me know if you could understand it. Of course if could show me my mistakes I will be very, very pleased.
Thanks in advanceridulo.gif
Bonan tagon!
In authoress's description of basics of the theory of justice by John Rawls, she states that the principle of maksimin (which is incorrectly called by her as maximum strategy) as a strategy of choice of the principles of justice behind the veil of ignorance constitutes the anticipated rebuttal of the objection that certain people are more bound to take a risk in order to maximization or protection of their own benefits. Whereas it is the principle of maksimin which has became the subject of criticism (inter alia by Robert Nozick) because people which are more bound to take a risk, would never choose it behind the veil of ignorance. Furthermore authoress claims that use of the principle of differentiation for a long period can lead to erosion of freedom of those people which should be protected by it. However it is necessary to observe that according to the principles of priority framed by John Rawls, the principle of freedom has precedence over the principle of differentiation. Ergo in the view of such consequences this second principle should be rejected.

Vespero_ (Vise profilen) 18. okt. 2012 16.21.40

While "Authoress" may technically be a word, it is not one that is used, at least in modern society. The Male/Female distinction is not made in every case.

Words ending in "s" do not receive "'s" for possessive, only "'". Ekz. "Authors" becomes "Authors'"

It should probably be "The basics of the theory."

Should say "has became" should be "has become"

"Furthermore authoress claims that use" should be "Furthermore, the author claims that the use..." "that use" is technically correct, it is not a form found in written English very often.

Introductory phrases (Ergo, However, Furthermore, Therefore, ktp.) should be separated from the rest of the sentence by a comma.

The first sentence is a little long, but other than that it was pretty understandable considering I don't know anything about the topic or context.

Hope that helps!

Tuco (Vise profilen) 18. okt. 2012 18.20.40

You've helped me a lot. Thank you very muchridulo.gif

Bemused (Vise profilen) 21. okt. 2012 15.59.35

Tuco:Saluton!
Dear English Speakers please look at this text which I have written. I know that this is a clumsy translation but I just need a comprehensible, not a beautiful textridulo.gif Please let me know if you could understand it. Of course if could show me my mistakes I will be very, very pleased.
Thanks in advanceridulo.gif
Bonan tagon!
In the authors' description of the basics of the theory of justice by John Rawls, she states that the principle of maksimin, (which she incorrectly calls maximum strategy), as a strategy of choice of the principles of justice behind the veil of ignorance, constitutes the anticipated rebuttal of the objection that certain people are more likely to take a risk in order to maximize or protect their own interests. However, it is the principle of maksimin which has become the subject of criticism, (inter alia by Robert Nozick), because people more likely to take a risk, would never choose it behind the veil of ignorance. Furthermore, the author claims that use of the principle of differentiation for a long period can lead to erosion of freedom for those people who should be protected by it. However, it is necessary to observe that according to the principles of priority framed by John Rawls, the principle of freedom has precedence over the principle of differentiation. Therefore, in light of such consequences, this second principle should be rejected.
I have taken the liberty of modifying your quotation to make it more easily readable. Hopefully this has not altered your intended meaning. The term "veil of ignorance" is unfamiliar, so I am not sure of what you mean by that. The tip for making writing easily understood is to make phrases of not more than eight words, and words of not more than two syllables. Imagine you are trying to explain it to a twelve year old. I hope this helps.

Tuco (Vise profilen) 22. okt. 2012 21.26.37

Thank you for help and advices. It is always helpful.
Ĝis!
P.S. Veil of ignorance is the concept introduced by Hungarian-American economist John Harsanyi but certainly it's not in common use ridulo.gif

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