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help please with the comparative translation of fragment1 of the novel Red Dragon, by Thomas Harris

de amigueo, 2014-novembro-26

Mesaĝoj: 11

Lingvo: English

amigueo (Montri la profilon) 2014-novembro-26 16:08:22

Difficult to begin, but i have to express my deep unrest about my neibourgh. He is, apparently..., slightly different...

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whysea (Montri la profilon) 2014-novembro-26 19:49:03

I think you might get banned for bad language...not sure, sine it's apparently a quote...

What is it you want, actually? You need that translated?

Gxis,
Verda-Chan

vikungen (Montri la profilon) 2014-novembro-26 20:28:26

What exactly do you need help with?

whysea:I think you might get banned for bad language...not sure, sine it's apparently a quote...

What is it you want, actually? You need that translated?

Gxis,
Verda-Chan
Now that would be utterly ridiculous.

kaŝperanto (Montri la profilon) 2014-novembro-26 20:46:06

vikungen:What exactly do you need help with?

whysea:I think you might get banned for bad language...not sure, sine it's apparently a quote...

What is it you want, actually? You need that translated?

Gxis,
Verda-Chan
Now that would be utterly ridiculous.
In the worst case the offending text would be removed and you might get a warning from a moderator, but in this context I'm not sure. After all, that word is in the Lernu dictionary.

As for bad language, I don't know what to make of the sentence: "Into the van and driving hard, fishtailing in the gravel lane."
"A scream of savage rage." is only a subject by itself. This is a famous book, but there is a lot of artistic liberty being taken here. The language makes me feel rushed/hurried.

amigueo (Montri la profilon) 2014-novembro-26 20:56:26

i am translating it into esperanto! only that! it is a novel from a novel, that is the clue. i will do my best. but the reader usually falls in being part of the plot. i post the to-translate text one day before the translated one because it could be interesting to someone to try an own version without reacting to my version. only that ridulo.gif

Krio de sovaĝa raĝo. 'VENU ĈI TIEN, PIĈVIZAĜULO'.

Malsupren al la bazo. En la kamioneto, apud lia dinamituja valizo estis valizeto pakita kun monmono, kreditkartoj kaj stirpermesoj en pluraj nomoj, lia pistolo, tranĉilo kaj blakĝaka kartaro.

Li kaptis la valizon kaj kuris supren al la ŝosea etaĝo, rapidis trans la ŝtuparon, prete lukton ĉareble Drako sobvenas tiam. En la furgoneton kaj stiri forte. Vostskuante sur la grundŝtona leno.

[morgaŭ la lasta paragrafo, ĝis]

Bemused (Montri la profilon) 2014-novembro-27 04:11:44

kaŝperanto:
As for bad language, I don't know what to make of the sentence: "Into the van and driving hard, fishtailing in the gravel lane."
"A scream of savage rage." is only a subject by itself. This is a famous book, but there is a lot of artistic liberty being taken here. The language makes me feel rushed/hurried.
"Into the van and driving hard, fishtailing in the gravel lane."
I jump into the van and I am driving too quickly to maintain control, the van is sliding from side to side on the gravel in the lane.

"A scream of savage rage."
He/she/it gives a scream of savage rage.

"The language makes me feel rushed/hurried."
That is the whole point of writing in this style, it conveys the idea that the character being written about is feeling rushed/hurried.

amigueo (Montri la profilon) 2014-novembro-28 09:17:12

another case to use that "fast" style, is, i think, when one is "talking to oneself". (?)

sudanglo (Montri la profilon) 2014-novembro-28 11:50:07

Amigueo, are you familiar with this link NPIV on the net. Use your Lernu password to sign in.

Raĝo - rajah , Indian prince (not rage)
Bazo - base, basis (not basement)
Kamioneto - van (not trunk); see kofro and kesto.
Mono - money, cash
Gruzo - gravel
Suben - down (sob didn't catch on)
Vojeto - lane

amigueo (Montri la profilon) 2014-novembro-28 15:55:05

sudanglo:Amigueo, are you familiar with this link NPIV on the net. Use your Lernu password to sign in.

Raĝo - rajah , Indian prince (not rage)
Bazo - base, basis (not basement)
Kamioneto - van (not trunk); see kofro and kesto.
Mono - money, cash
Gruzo - gravel
Suben - down (sob didn't catch on)
Vojeto - lane
dankegon sendon al vortaro.net kaj korektojn! ridulo.gif

i doubt about:
kolero = rage
kestaŭto = trunk
keŝo = cash (mono nek elektronika nek cxeka; do monera aux bileta)
leno = lane (kiam retroira aux senelira, france "cul de sac")

amigueo (Montri la profilon) 2014-novembro-28 16:14:51

>>A scream of savage rage. 'COME HERE CUNT FACE.'
>>Down to the basement. In the trunk beside his case of dynamite was a small valise packed with cash, credit cards and driver's licences in various names, his pistol, knife and blackjack.
>>He grabbed his valise and ran up to the ground floor, quickly passed the stair, ready to fight if the Dragon came down them. Into the van and driving hard, fishtailing in the gravel lane.
>>He slowed on the highway and pulled over to the shoulder to heave yellow bile. Some of the fear went away. Proceeding at legal speed, using his flashers well ahead of turns, carefully he drove to the airport.

dua versio, korektita kaj korektinda*:

Krio de sovaĝa kolero. 'VENU ĈI TIEN, PIĈVIZAĜULO'.

Malsupren al la bazo. En la kestaŭto, apud lia dinamituja* valizo estis valizeto pakita kun keŝo*, kreditkartoj kaj stirpermesoj en pluraj nomoj, lia pistolo, tranĉilo kaj blakĝaka kartaro.

Li kaptis la valizon kaj kuris supren al la grundetaĝo, rapidis trans la ŝtuparon, prete lukton kaze ke Drako malsuprenveni tiam. En la kamioneton kaj stiri forte. Vostskuante sur la gruza leno*.

Li malrapidigis sur la aŭtoŝoseo kaj drinketis* por aktivigi flavan galon. Iom da la* timo foriris. Rulante je laŭleĝa rapido, uzante la direktindikilon ample* antaŭvice, zorgeme stiris li al la aerhaveno.

ankorauxe dankon!

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