Reading the Hound of the Baskervilles in Esperanto translation, I was struck by the thought that what is important in translating such a book is not that the translation should be faithful to Conan Doyle's style, but that it should make an entertaining read in Esperanto, without the sentence structure being an impediment to easy understanding and without being too inhibited about 'improving' the text if it leads to greater clarity.

Anyway, playing around I produced an alternative translation of the first few sentences and I wonder if you prefer Auld's translation which is more faithful to the original or the rewrite.

Tiun matenon, S-ro Ŝerloko Holms leviĝis tre malfrue. Tio estis lia kutimo, krom kiam li aktivis la tutan nokton kaj tute ne iris al sia lito - kio foje okazis. Dum li sidis antaŭ la matenmanĝa tablo, mi staris apud la kameno sur la tapiŝeto, kaj ekprenis la bastonon, kiun postlasis nia vizitanto de la antaŭa vespero. Ĝi estis bela dika lignaĵo tuberkapa, kian oni nomas 'Penanga advokato'.

Sinjoro Ŝerloko Holmso, kiu kutime ellitiĝis tre malfrue en la matenoj, krom je tiuj ne maloftaj okazoj, kiam li maldormis tutan nokton, sidis antaŭ la matenmanĝa tablo. Mi staris sur la antaŭkamena tapiŝeto kaj levis la bastonon postlasitan de nia vizitinto la antaŭan vesperon. Tio estis bela dika lignaĵo tuberkapa, de tiu speco, kiun oni nomas "penanga advokato".

sudanglo:I produced an alternative translation of the first few sentences and I wonder if you prefer Auld's translation which is more faithful to the original or the rewrite.

Tiun matenon, S-ro Ŝerloko Holms leviĝis tre malfrue. Tio estis lia kutimo, krom kiam li aktivis la tutan nokton kaj tute ne iris al sia lito - kio foje okazis. Dum li sidis antaŭ la matenmanĝa tablo, mi staris apud la kameno sur la tapiŝeto, kaj ekprenis la bastonon, kiun postlasis nia vizitanto de la antaŭa vespero. Ĝi estis bela dika lignaĵo tuberkapa, kian oni nomas 'Penanga advokato'.

Sinjoro Ŝerloko Holmso, kiu kutime ellitiĝis tre malfrue en la matenoj, krom je tiuj ne maloftaj okazoj, kiam li maldormis tutan nokton, sidis antaŭ la matenmanĝa tablo. Mi staris sur la antaŭkamena tapiŝeto kaj levis la bastonon postlasitan de nia vizitinto la antaŭan vesperon. Tio estis bela dika lignaĵo tuberkapa, de tiu speco, kiun oni nomas "penanga advokato".

The original text is:
"Mr. Sherlock Holmes, who was usually very late in the mornings, save upon those not infrequent occasions when he was up all night, was seated at the breakfast table. I stood upon the hearth-rug and picked up the stick which our visitor had left behind him the night before. It was a fine, thick piece of wood, bulbous-headed, of the sort which is known as a "Penang lawyer."

I find the first translation clearer, but I have one reservation: the original says that the occasions when Holmes was up all night occurred "not infrequently". This is brought out by ne maloftaj in what I assume is Auld's translation. I wonder whether foje makes sufficiently clear that it was not a rare occurrence; I might use ne malofte.

Thanks Miland. Can you say why you find my version clearer?

PS I've just ordered the French translation from Amazon. I will be interesting to make comparisons.

I find both translations about equally clear.

I read an interesting article somewhere about translation; I wonder if I'd be able to dig it up somewhere again. It was written by a translator who was saying that translating a book essentially means re-writing the whole book, so to some degree it involves getting into the mind of the author, to write it as they would have wanted, and to some degree it's an original work of the translator, expressing how the translator wants to tell the story.

sudanglo: Can you say why you find my version clearer?

I would say, because you have used shorter sentences (the first two, specifically) and tried to put things in fewer words - that worked very well with kian, perhaps less so with foje from the point of precision, but that may well not matter much in this case, with this kind of literature. From that point of view foje might be preferable on the grounds of simplicity, notwithstanding the slight loss of information.

I just noticed too, that the original does not emphasize that it was while he was seated at the table (dum li sidis) that the stick was examined. So this word is adding something, only a little emphasis, to the original.

On the whole, I would say that you have made an excellent free translation, which has involved no substantial change to the original. This sort of translation might be especially suitable for literature intended to entertain (like detective fiction).