gyrus:Here's one from the opening of Magician by Raymond E. Feist, which I'm reading at the moment.

"The storm had broken.

Pug danced along the edge of the rocks, his feet finding scant purchase as he made his way among the tide pools. His dark eyes darted about as he peered into each pool under the cliff face, seeking the spiny creatures driven into the shallows by the recently passed storm. His boyish muslces bunched under his light shirt as he shifted the sack of sandcrawlers, rockclaws, and crabs plucked from this water garden."

I'm using a dictionary, my EO vocabulary is much less flowery than my English one (and this is a hard one by English standards laŭ mi! I had no idea purchase could be used that way!)

"La ŝtormo ek(int)is. (ĉu la ŝtomo nun pasis?)

Pug dancis laŭ la rokeĝoj, liaj piedoj apenaŭ trovante akcepton dum li progresis inter la tajdflakoj. Liaj mallumaj okuloj rapide recelis dum li skanis la enaĵojn de ĉiu flako sub la kliffaco (faco, edro aŭ alie?), serĉante la pintajn bestetojn (kreito sonas tro abrahama) pelite en la malprofundakvon de la freŝe pasinta ŝtormo/nun pasinta ŝtormo (vidu mian unuan demandon). Liaj knabaj muskoloj kolektiĝis sub lia malpeza ĉemizo dum li laŭŝovis la sakon de Sandcrawler'j (sandkroleroj/sabloramp(ul)oj), rockclaw'jn (roklovoj/rokkrif(ul)oj), kaj kraboj plukitaj el tiu ĉi akva ĝardeno."

Not sure what the last list of organisms minus the crabs should be translated to, although I reckon that complimentary star wars reference is good enough

sudanglo:Ok then, here's the passage.

"In the upmarket bathroom shop in Regent's Park Road in North London, the slim brown-haired woman was showing a close interest in the display of tiles. 'Do you need some help?' asked the young male assistant, who was keen to close since it was almost seven o'clock in the evening.

Liz Carlyle was killing time. In trainers and designer jeans, she looked like any of the wealthy young married women who drifted in and out of the interior-design shops and boutiques of this part of London."

En multekosta banbutiko ĉe strato Regent's Park en norda Londono, gracila brunharulino ŝajnigis intereson pri eksponejo de kaheloj. "Ĉu vi volas helpon?" demandis de ŝi la juna komizo, kiu esperis baldaŭ fermi la vendejon, ĉar estis preskaŭ la sepa vespere.

Sed la virino, Liz Carlyle, nur pasigis la tempon. Portante tolŝujojn kaj laŭmodan ĝinzon, ŝi aspektis kiel iu el la riĉaj junaj edzinoj, kiuj drive butikumis en la hejmornamaj vendejoj de ĉi tiu kvartalo de Londono.

"The storm had broken.

Pug danced along the edge of the rocks, his feet finding scant purchase as he made his way among the tide pools. His dark eyes darted about as he peered into each pool under the cliff face, seeking the spiny creatures driven into the shallows by the recently passed storm. His boyish muslces bunched under his light shirt as he shifted the sack of sandcrawlers, rockclaws, and crabs plucked from this water garden."

Ekfulmotondris.

Pugo elegante piediris ĉirkaŭ la bordo de la rokoj, lia piedo malofte resti dum li vojaĝetis inter la tajdlagetoj. Lia brunokuloj ekvidis antaŭ-malantaŭ, serĉanta la pikaĵaj estaĵoj kiuj foriris al la tajdlagetojn pro l' antaŭnelonge pasinta ŝtormo. Liaj junulaj muskoloj streĉiĝis malsupre lia malpeza ĉemizo, dum li movis la sakon de kraboj kaj sablaj rampaĵoj kiuj li tiris el tiu vivplena akvoĝardeno.

The protagonist's name seems a little cheeky.

3rdblade:The protagonist's name seems a little cheeky.

Especially when you add an -o to it! I didn't think of the potential consequences of the name until you did that Later in the book he's renamed Milamber, though.

For some persons (more precisely some women) I know, the first phrase until the comma, could perfectly describe their walking.

But taking into account the approximate pronunciation of the "u" in the name of the protagonist, I'd esperantize it as Pogo, or maybe leave it unstranslated.

BTW, sometimes it happens in translation, that one must change names to avoid ridiculizing them. E.g., the Lone Ranger's indian friend, whose English name was Tonto, was known in Spanish as Toro. "Tonto" means something between "not intelligent" and "stupid". "Toro" means "bull".

Regards,

Daniel

3rdblade:

"The storm had broken.

Pug danced along the edge of the rocks, his feet finding scant purchase as he made his way among the tide pools. His dark eyes darted about as he peered into each pool under the cliff face, seeking the spiny creatures driven into the shallows by the recently passed storm. His boyish muslces bunched under his light shirt as he shifted the sack of sandcrawlers, rockclaws, and crabs plucked from this water garden."

Ekfulmotondris.

Pugo elegante iris ĉirkaŭ la bordo de la rokoj, lia piedo malofte resti dum li vojaĝetis inter la tajdlagetoj. Lia brunokuloj ekvidis antaŭ-malantaŭ, serĉanta la pikaĵaj estaĵoj kiuj foriris al la tajdlagetojn pro la antaŭnelonge pasinta ŝtormo. Liaj junulaj muskoloj streĉiĝis malsupre lia malpeza ĉemizo, dum li movis la sakon de kraboj kaj sablaj rampaĵoj kiuj li tiris el tiu vivplena akvoĝardeno.

The protagonist's name seems a little cheeky.

Sorry Im late. Can I still participate? Fantasia Fikcio, huh? OK~

"The storm had broken.

Pug danced along the edge of the rocks, his feet finding scant purchase as he made his way among the tide pools. His dark eyes darted about as he peered into each pool under the cliff face, seeking the spiny creatures driven into the shallows by the recently passed storm. His boyish muslces bunched under his light shirt as he shifted the sack of sandcrawlers, rockclaws, and crabs plucked from this water garden."

Jam pasis la ŝtormo.

Pug dancis laŭ la rando de ŝtonegoj. Apenaŭ apogejojn trovis liaj piedoj, kiam li iris apud la lagetoj lasitaj de fortajdo. Liaj malhelaj okuloj ĉirkaŭpafis, rigardante ĉiu lageto sub la krutaĵa ebeno, serĉante la dornplenan animaletojn forpelitajn de la ĵus pasinta ŝtormo en malprofundaĵon. Lia vireca muskuloj ŝvelis sub lia ĉemizo, kiam sakoj da sablocimoj, ŝtonkankroj kaj kanceroj freŝe plukitaj de la akvo korto ŝanceliĝis sur lia dorso.

-----------------------------------------

Note: 1. "Has broke"? Sorry about my English, but doesn that mean the storm started or is over? Since Pug is doing this dangerous job + "recently passed storm" I assume it's the latter.

2. The sequence "cimoj, kankroj kaj kanceroj" does not perfectly reflect the original meaning but I hope can imitate the sounds of the original. The "cr" repetition sounds really hard and shelly to me, so I hope that's the author aimed for, rather than the exact meaning, to sound hard and shelly.

LyzTyphone:Note: 1. "Has broke"? Sorry about my English, but doesn that mean the storm started or is over? Since Pug is doing this dangerous job + "recently passed storm" I assume it's the latter.

It means it started suddenly (and violently, according to my dictionary here). It's weird because the passage also says a storm had just finished, and 'break' means 'stop' in other situations. Eg. 'The clouds broke.' Is Feist being annoyingly poetic? Or just feisty? My guess is it's storm season and they happen every day or so.

2. The sequence "cimoj, kankroj kaj kanceroj" does not perfectly reflect the original meaning but I hope can imitate the sounds of the original. The "cr" repetition sounds really hard and shelly to me, so I hope that's the author aimed for, rather than the exact meaning, to sound hard and shelly.

+1

"The storm had broken.

Pug danced along the edge of the rocks, his feet finding scant purchase as he made his way among the tide pools. His dark eyes darted about as he peered into each pool under the cliff face, seeking the spiny creatures driven into the shallows by the recently passed storm. His boyish muslces bunched under his light shirt as he shifted the sack of sandcrawlers, rockclaws, and crabs plucked from this water garden."

Jam pasis la ŝtormo.

Pug dancis laŭ la randoj de la rokoj, apenaŭ trovante sekurajn piedtenojn dum li zorge moviĝis inter la tajdflakoj. Liaj malhelaj okuloj ĉirkaŭsagis, enrigardante ĉiun flakon sub la klifo, serĉante la dornajn krustulojn pelitajn en la malprofundan akvon de la ĵus pasinta ŝtormo. La knabecaj dors-muskoloj sub lia malpeza ĉemizo streĉis, dum li alĝustigis la sakon de sablorampuloj, ŝtonunguloj, kaj kraboj rikoltitaj el ĉi tiu akvoĝardeno.

Notes: [LISTO]
"The storm has broken" can mean either it has started or it has ended. (Who was it that argued English isn't ambiguous?) Here, obviously it means it has ended given the later context.
"Purchase" here means a non-slippery place to hold on to, in this case for his feet. I translated it sekurajn piedtenojn and left off the now-redundant explicit mention of his feet.
I assume "sandcrawlers" and "rockclaws" are not real Earth animals, but denizens of this fantasy world. As such, I translated them more or less literally.
"Made his way" typically means moving past or amid obstacles (i.e., there isn't an obvious way through, so he "makes" his own way through). I glossed it zorge moviĝis, rather than trying to literally translate this idiom. Odd that his movements are described figuratively as "dancing", but I suppose careful, deliberate balancing could be like dancing in some ways.
"Shifted the sack" is tricky. Here it specifically means he moved the sack on his back from a less-comfortable position to a more comfortable one. I chose alĝustigis ("adjusted") to translate it. I also changed muscles to back-muscles as an indirect way to clarify that he is carrying the sack on his back (this is clear in English, but may not be quite as clear in translation).[/list]

Wait, so is this kid's eyes dark in that they don't have much light in them or dark as in they're dark (brown/grey/hazel)?

This is a minor problem, since EO is specific here, but English allows the reader to imagine it either way.

Also, regarding this little spikey animals in the shallows, are they "pelitajn" or "pelite"? Always suffer when it comes to this.

Trojo:"Shifted the sack" is tricky. Here it specifically means he moved the sack on his back from a less-comfortable position to a more comfortable one.

I didn't get that impression at all, then again I can be a bit literal at times.

ceigered:I didn't get that impression at all, then again I can be a bit literal at times.

I actually like your translation. But let's call the judge.