I've decided that I need some practice so I chose to translate at least part of the first Animorphs book. It's a young adult/children's series, so I thought the language would be simple enough. I tried not to be too literal with the translation, but my lack of skill still caused me a lot of trouble even in the first paragraph.

CHAPTER 1
My name is Jake. That's my first name, obviously. I can't tell you my last name. It would be too dangerous. The Controllers are everywhere. Everywhere. And if they knew my full name, they could find me and my friends, and then . . . well, let's just say I don't want them to find me. What they do to people who resist them is too horrible to think about.

ĈAPITRO 1

Mia nomo estas Jake. Tio estas mia persona nomo, evidente. Mi ne povas diri al vin mia familia nomo. Ĝi estus tro danĝera. La Registoj estas ĉiuloke. Ĉiuloke. Kaj se ili scias mian tutan nomon, ili povus trovi min kaj miajn amikojn, kaj post tio... nu, resume mi ne deziras ke ili trovi min. La aferoj ili fari al homojn kiu rezistas ilin estas tro kruelega por pensado.

In particular, I'm not confident in my translation for "Controller". It's the term used for a person that is being controlled, taken over, etc, so it's sort of backwards. I decided to try and keep it that way rather than "Controlled person". Didn't know if -isto or -ulo would be better...
Also looking for better/alternate ways to translate things like "let's just say", "and then", etc.
Can "kio" be used for things like "what they do"?
Also unsure about having him be Jake, Ĝeiko, or something else, but that's not as important as learning how to write things more complicated than "La homo manĝis la pomon." (Particularly the last sentence...)

Translating can be great language practice, but it definitely is tough. I'll try to answer what I can in reverse order.

For names, there are a few options. You *could* leave it as Jake, but I'd choose to either to change it to a more Esperanto like name (Jakobo) or to change the spelling to maintain the pronunciation (Ĝejk).

You can use "kio" like that--"kion ili faras" which is an abbreviated form of "tio, kion ili faras."

For "let's just say" maybe "simple dirite." For "and then" I'm not sure that you need a direct translation here (but maybe "poste" would flow better than "post tio?")

Controller. From what I remember of the books, the term is more like what we'd use for a video game controller... a tool used to control, more so than someone controlling, right? So maybe "regilulo" or "direktilulo" or something similar.

Here's what I would do with your translation. In general, watch your accusatives. Some of my changes are really just style. Some might not make sense because it's 2AM.

ĈAPITRO 1

Mia nomo estas Ĝejk. Tiu estas mia persona nomo, evidente. Mi ne diru al vi mian familian nomon. Estus tro danĝere. La Direktiluloj estas ĉie. Ĉie. Kaj se ili konus mian tutan nomon, ili povus trovi min kaj miajn amikojn, kaj... nu, simple dirite mi ne volas ke ili trovu min. Kion ili faras al homoj, kiuj rezistas ilin, estas tro kruela por pripensado.

Mia nomo estas Jakobo. Tio estas mia antaŭnomo - la familia devas resti sekreto, Estus tro danĝere tion riveli. La Kontrolantoj troviĝas ĉie. Ĉie. Kaj se ili scius mian tutan nomon, ili povus min identigi kaj ankaŭ miajn amikojn kaj tiam .. nu mi diru, ke mi ne volus ke ili trovu min. Kion ili faras al rezistantoj ne estas komforte pripensebla.

Not knowing the book, I can't say whether Kontrolantoj is good here. But it certainly carries the idea of keeping an eye on things, to make sure they conform to some standard. Another possibility, again I'd have to know the book, might be Korektantoj.

Thanks to everyone who helped. I'll continue practicing and post any more questions in this thread.

Hello again. I need help with a sentence... On every book there would be a sentence on the front cover. The one for the first book is "Some people never change. Some do..."
How would I translate "do" in this context? I currently have
"Iuj homoj neniam ŝanĝiĝas. Iuj faras... "
But I don't know if fari is correct.

Zafur:Hello again. I need help with a sentence... On every book there would be a sentence on the front cover. The one for the first book is "Some people never change. Some do..."
How would I translate "do" in this context? I currently have
"Iuj homoj neniam ŝanĝiĝas. Iuj faras... "
But I don't know if fari is correct.

I'd say iuj ja ŝanĝiĝas or even shorter iuj ja.

darkweasel:

Zafur:Hello again. I need help with a sentence... On every book there would be a sentence on the front cover. The one for the first book is "Some people never change. Some do..."
How would I translate "do" in this context? I currently have
"Iuj homoj neniam ŝanĝiĝas. Iuj faras... "
But I don't know if fari is correct.

I'd say iuj ja ŝanĝiĝas or even shorter iuj ja.

Thanks for the quick response!

Zafur:..Tio estas mia persona nomo, evidente..

I would use kompreneble, "of course", instead of evidente here. Also, if "Jake" is a name that people call you, rather than the name on your official ID (e.g. if it is short for "Jacobus"), I would have Mi nomiĝas Jake as the first sentence.