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Translation competition (4)

од sudanglo, 20. јул 2011.

Поруке: 16

Језик: English

sudanglo (Погледати профил) 22. јул 2011. 09.49.15

I really like 'servistino montris la kapon' for 'a servant poked her head out'. I think it captures the laconic style of the original.

Again on economy of expression I think 'kamionistoj' is good for truck drivers, though 'ŝarĝautistoj' might give a period flavour. I don't remember at the moment how we distinguish in Esperanto between Van, Lorry and Truck.

Given the way the house is built on a slope, I am tempted by 'teraso' for 'patio'.

But 'veturi' for me isn't 'drive'. It implies being transported (by train, bus etc.)

Interesting question is the appropriate tense here in Esperanto for 'you have been reading about' - should it be 'pri kiu vi legis en la ĵurnaloj' or 'legas'.

Edit: the more I see of the various contributions in these translation competitions, the more I am convinced that collaborative work on translation, cherry-picking the best ideas, are the way raise the standard in translation work, and to address the distressing statistic that 75% of all published Esperanto translations are not that good.

Miland (Погледати профил) 22. јул 2011. 12.03.48

I would expect a translation done by a committee to be better than one done by an individual. The same would apply to the process of "cherry-picking" between different renderings.

William Auld's comments in Traduku! are worthy of note. I quote*: "..mi rigore rifuzas la premison, ke ekzistas iu unusola 'perfekta' traduko .. ankaŭ gusto ludas rolon."

*Trans: "I firmly reject the assumption that there exists a unique 'perfect' translation .. taste also plays a role."

sudanglo (Погледати профил) 23. јул 2011. 11.10.42

I was thinking about the text and noticed that the choice and ordering of words has something to do with the rhythms of English.

So 'I drove out to Glendale', 'three new truck drivers', 'Brewery company bond' and 'remembered this renewal' trip easily off the tongue in English.

But Esperanto with its polysyllabic tendencies may produce clumsy renderings if we too slavishly strive to follow the original.

In general, I think that in translating a work of fiction into Esperanto the goal should be a product whch has the readability and entertainment value of the original, with a similar ethos.

If you like such translations are an exercise in plagiarism rather than reproduction.

Rather than inventing a new story we profit from the inventiveness of the original author to write our own novel, not hesitating to improve on, or deviate from, the original text in order, for artistic effect, to produce a satisfying work of fiction.

To illustrate this, here is how I might render the opening sentence.

Por meti sub kaucio tri kamionistojn - novdungitoj de la bierfareja kompanio - mi estis min kondukinta al Glendale. Tiam mi memoris tiun re-asekuron en Hollywoodland, kaj decidis viziti tien.

sudanglo (Погледати профил) 24. јул 2011. 11.03.57

Auld is right to a degree. But it is not just a question of taste. There are clearly other criteria for judging whether something is a good translation than personal approval.

To say that 'aŭto' is a good translation for 'lorry' would not be generally accepted.

However if Auld is arguing for a less slavish imitation of original form in works of fiction, then I would clearly agree.

sudanglo (Погледати профил) 26. јул 2011. 10.39.38

Does anybody know under what title 'Double Indemnity' (the book not the film) was published in France.

sudanglo (Погледати профил) 07. август 2011. 11.42.36

Mi estis kondukinta la aŭton ĝis Glendale, kie mi devis alskribigi sub kaŭcion tri novajn kamionistojn por la bierfarejo kompanio. Tiam mi memoris tiun re-asekuron en Hollywoodland. Mi decidis min direkti tien. Tiel estis, ke mi alvenis al 'La Domo de Morto', pri kiu vi legas en la ĵurnaloj.

Ĝi ne aspektis kiel Domo de Morto, Ĝi estis nur hispan-stila domo kiel multaj aliaj en Kalifornio - blankaj muroj, tegmento kun ruĝaj tegoloj, kaj teraso ĉe la flanko. La domo estis bizare konstruita. La garaĝo troviĝis sub la domo, la ter-etaĝo super tio, kaj la resto disverŝiĝis laŭ la deklivo, kie ajn oni povis ĝin konstrui.

Oni devis grimpi laŭ ŝtuparo por atingi la pordon. Tiel mi parkis la aŭton kaj supreniris. Servistino elŝovis la kapon. "Ĉu S-ro Nirdlinger hejmas?"

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