Mergi la conținut

Translation practice

de 3rdblade, 30 iulie 2011

Contribuții/Mesaje: 5

Limbă: English

3rdblade (Arată profil) 30 iulie 2011, 05:58:30

I've recently started to enjoy the works of the Japanese writer Soseki Natsume. This passage comes from his novel 'Botchan', written in 1904, and translated into English by compatriot Umeji Sasaki in 1922. I found his English to be odd and interesting, but importantly, quite Esperanto-sounding. For example, he uses the word 'abed', which English speakers don't use now, but which sounds like our 'lite' in Esperanto. Have a go at translating this:

A great loser have I been ever since a child, having a rash, daring spirit, a spirit I inherited from my ancestors. When a primary-school boy, I jumped down from the second story of my schoolhouse, and had to lie abed about a week. Some may be curious enough to ask me why I did such a rash thing. I had no special reason. I had one day been looking down from the window of the second story of the new school, when one of my classmates looked up and said in a taunt.

"You are a great boaster. But you cannot jump down from that height. You poor little creeping thing!"


---

Edit: A different English translation of this text can be read at Project Gutenberg

3rdblade (Arată profil) 31 iulie 2011, 23:07:39

Comments welcome. I wanted to say '...havante hazardan, aŭdacan spiriton.." but I am still not 100% on these '-ante' endings:

Malgajnegulo mi estis ekde infanaĝo. Mi ĉiam havis hazardan, aŭdacan spiriton, spiriton kiun mi heredis de mia praavoj. Kiel elementa-lerneja knabo, mi saltis malsupren de la dua etaĝo de la lernejodomo, kaj devis kuŝi lite dum ĉirkaŭ unu semajno. Eble, iu estos sufice scivola por demandi al mi, kial mi faris tiel hazardan faron. Ne apartan kialon mi havis. Mi estis vidanta, unufoje, de la fenestro de la dua etaĝo de la nova lernejo, tiam unu el miaj kunlernantoj rigardis supren kaj diris mokinsulte,

"Vi estas granda fanfaronulo! Sed, vi ne povas salti malsupren, de tiu altejo. Vi aĉa, eta, rampadaĵo!"

etala (Arată profil) 1 august 2011, 02:08:11

Malestimindulo mi estis ekde infanaĝo kun sinriskema aŭdacema eco de miaj prapatroj. Kiam mi estis en la elementa lernejo, mi saltis de la dua etaĝo de la lernejo kaj sekve devis enlitadi dum unu semajno. Eble oni sufiĉe scivolemus demandi al mi, kial mi agis tiel sensinzorge. Neniu speciale instigis min. Unu tagon, mi malsupren rigardis tra la fenestro dua-etaĝa de la nova lernejo, kaj samklasano supren ekvidis min kaj mokis:

"Vi ja estas ega fanfaronanto, sed vi ne povas salti de tia alto. Vi eta kompatinda, rampanta, nehomaĵo!"


Explanations about my translation:

Malestimindulo might have been a bit too wordy.

I've never been sure about translating the English "have been" with a past tense verb extending into the present. In "Teach Yourself Esperanto", Cresswell and Hartley recommend Li atendas jam de du horoj. for "He has been waiting for two hours.", but I've always found that use of the present tense jarring, especially in this case where the narrator's talking about events from many decades ago.

I got rid of the word "inherit" because trying to include it would make the sentence awkward. If later in the story the protagonist finds out his ancestors rashly daringly went to America and left him a fortune, then I'd keep "inherit".

I couldn't understand why the narrator said "I had no special reason" and then tells what is obviously the reason.

I thought de la fenestro de la dua etaĝo de la nova lernejo would be too long so I tried to get rid of a prepositional phrase.

Samklasano seemed like it would be just as fine as unu el miaj samklasanoj .

I remember reading somewhere it was very insulting in East Asian cultures to accuse someone as being not human, so I translated "thing" as nehomaĵo, especially since creeping is something animals do, not humans.

About 3rdblade's translation:

A very faithful translation, especially compared to mine!

To me, hazarda has meant something closer to "random" or "by chance" instead of "hazard" as in "dangerous". Are they false friends?

Either one of the roots in mokinsulte would have been fine, but both seemed to be a bit overboard.

Altejo makes me think of a place especially constructed to be high, maybe a launching point for base-jumpers, instead of a ordinary second-story window.

Sorry for having such a long post!

3rdblade (Arată profil) 1 august 2011, 02:59:47

etala:I couldn't understand why the narrator said "I had no special reason" and then tells what is obviously the reason.
That is just one of author Soseki's idiosyncracies, showing also that his narrator is a bit too prideful and egotistcal and not super-bright. The novel is also a comedy (I should have mentioned that before!)

ceigered (Arată profil) 3 august 2011, 10:43:38

It seems like a very Japanese trait too to claim you have no reason, then go into lengthy explanation, just as you basically apologise for yourself in everything you say (using formal language). I think my Japanese teacher once summed it up as something like "you have to make it sound like you're trying not to offend the other person or sound more interesting than them, or make it sound like you love your parents more than theirs" etc.

Soseki is strictly right though - his character didn't have a special reason (he did it out of boastfulness), he didn't say he didn't have a reason at all rido.gif

Înapoi mai sus