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Is the Esperanto community really accepting of people who are different??

kelle poolt AlanLadd13, 6. detsember 2013

Postitused: 137

Keel: English

AlanLadd13 (Näita profiili) 6. detsember 2013 5:30.26

I had been wanting to learn this language because not only have I always wanted to travel and learn about other cultures but I heard that the people in the Esperanto community were really friendly accepting of people who are different. I have read some posts here where Esperanto speakers say that there are "weirdos" and "freaks" at the Esperanto meetup events that are viewed as eccentric and although "tolerated" they are usually avoided.
I suffer from bad social anxiety disorder and I am socially awkward because of it. I also get picked on and teased by other students at school for it and have a hard time making friends. I was wondering if other Esperanto speakers would label me a weirdo and freak because of my anxiety disorder and avoid me?
I was initially positive about learning this language but after reading about how some people viewed the awkward people at the meetups I'm not so sure because I know I will definitely be awkward at first because of my condition.
honest opinions of how I would be viewed at a meet up because of this would be appreciated.
Thank You

whysea (Näita profiili) 6. detsember 2013 6:08.08

I think most of us consider ourselves awkward weirdos to a degree, and that an esperantist is more likely to try and befriend a fellow esperantist than try to alienate them. since we are tied together only by the language that we electively speak, there is no expectation that we are going to form deep friendships with every esperantist we meet, and share their interests. if that happens, then it's great, but many people are seeking practice with the language, to learn about other cultures, and to have some pleasant interactions, and that's it. So, in that way, there is not a whole lot of pressure to be excellent at socialization; just be friendly, and try to remember that not everyone goes to an event specifically looking for new friends. some people just want to chit chat and then go home.

like at any gathering, you might find some unpleasant people who dont want to talk to you. but that happens to everyone. At the same time i think "weirdness" is very common among esperantists and pretty highly accepted compared to other groups of people. furthermore i think spontaneously striking up conversation is more welcome in esperantujo, because we're all itching to practice speaking the language.

donar (Näita profiili) 6. detsember 2013 10:28.07

First and foremost, Esperantists are not comparable to political left-alternative mindeds or militant vegans, so, different people are more accepted.

Note that Esperantists are no homogeneous group of people. But humans are still humans, so even at Esperanto meetings same minded ppl will form their own subgroups.
The key is to not stand in one corner doing nothing. Be open minded, who is not open minded is a dilettante anyway.

But I guess more important is to get rid of your social anxiety. Meaning, that all those harmful thoughts only exist in your head, although ppl are and always will be envies predators. The best way is to face up with your anxiety and attend e.g. at meetings like the Esperanto ones (doesn't matter if you travel alone to those meetings). This "shock therapy" called method is a way of curing yourself without external help and Esperanto can be a good tool for this goal.

EldanarLambetur (Näita profiili) 6. detsember 2013 10:51.36

I think when people talk about weirdos and freaks, it's usually because they've tried being friendly with them but the person has over-stepped bounds repeatedly, or otherwise treated them in a way that they don't feel comfortable with.

Whenever you have a very tolerant community, you'll always get some people that push the tolerance.

I'd say the best thing is to be open and just repeatedly try, if it doesn't cause you too much trouble. If you greet someone with a smile, confessing your anxiety, but excitement for the language, I can't imagine anyone would view you as a freak. Sometimes out of anxiety you'll say things that don't really help a situation, and all you can do is expose yourself to those situations and practice overcoming your anxiety enough to function, I guess!

As whysea said, we're mostly all a little weird anyway ridego.gif

I hope you give Esperanto a go ridulo.gif

tommjames (Näita profiili) 6. detsember 2013 11:34.49

I would also add that Esperanto is worth learning regardless of whether you intend to use it for travelling to social gatherings like congresses or other Esperanto events. It's a fun hobby and will help you a lot if you ever decide to learn another language. Plus it's just cool to try out something a bit different.

I've never been to an Esperanto congress so I couldn't comment on the weirdness of attendees, but I've met socially with quite a few Esperanto speakers from different parts of the world and I've mostly found them to be very pleasant, non judgmental people, so I wouldn't worry too much about being perceived negatively.

jismith1989 (Näita profiili) 6. detsember 2013 12:18.52

I've never been to any kind of Esperanto gathering (maybe in future), so I can't comment on that, but talking personally, I consider myself open-minded (if that's a euphemism for 'odd', so be it). I'm sure you'll find some people who you can get on with, even if you're only practising the language together, it's still an interesting experience. And no one can get on well with everyone all the time! But you can try...

It's also worth mentioning that Zamenhof's interna ideo and homaranismo are based on tolerance and respect for diversity. (See here, for example.) Just as Esperanto is cosmopolitan (in the true etymological sense, promoting 'citizenship of the world' ), so I'd imagine Esperantists would be more open to other kinds of individual differences, as well as national ones.

And as Tom said, Esperanto is worth learning for its own sake. Don't consider it only as a means to improve your social problems, because there are probably other and even more effective ways of focusing on that. That's like someone learning French just to get girls. ridego.gif Well, kind of.

donar:First and foremost, Esperantists are not comparable to political left-alternative mindeds or militant vegans, so, different people are more accepted.
That seems like an unnecessary comment to me. Yes, there's all kind of leftist factionalism, of course, but many people on the left are very accepting of difference and even alternative viewpoints. I think people from both the left and the right can be dogmatic and engage in 'groupthink'. (And no, I'm not going to make the obvious link to Nazism, especially since you're German, but I'm sure you can think of other examples yourself.)

I agree with you though that 'shock therapy' is one of the best medicines for social anxiety and similar problems. Oh, and I've just noticed that it's your first post, so welcome to the community! ridulo.gif

Leke (Näita profiili) 6. detsember 2013 12:24.22

I think the best advantage with the esperanto travel concept, is that when you go to another country and meet up with an esperantoist, they should be interested in meeting you. I guess it doesn't guarantee they will like you, but it's a start. In contrast, if I learn Japanese and go to Japan, I can't really expect anyone there to be interested in me just because I learned their language (although it is certainly possible).

I personally learn esperanto for my own geekery, and not for the social element. Saying that, I would probably be more social if I was better at the language, but that is partly down to my own laziness (or as I like to say, in-no-hurriness).

erinja (Näita profiili) 6. detsember 2013 14:04.16

A degree of social awkwardness is a totally normal thing in the world of Esperanto. You'll do fine. The kind of weirdos that people avoid are people who overstep social bounds by doing truly unacceptable and inappropriate things. In my case, there was someone who proposed marriage to me twice, despite being already married, decades older than me, and me never showing a shred of interest in this person. I've run across people who appear never to bathe and who follow others around, seem not to get the hint that maybe the other person doesn't mind spending a few hours with them but does not want to spend every hour of every day.

Esperanto speakers are tolerant of all of this - to a fault, even, I'd say. People who likely have no friends outside of Esperanto seem to find their niche and do fine. People put up with a lot.

orthohawk (Näita profiili) 6. detsember 2013 17:05.30

whysea: At the same time i think "weirdness" is very common among esperantists and pretty highly accepted compared to other groups of people.
Unless of course the "weirdness" comes of being a conservative religionist or quirks that arise from one's religious beliefs. Then you may as well be a serial killer as far as some people are concerned.

Benjamino (Näita profiili) 6. detsember 2013 18:15.22

I have social phobia as well, along with a list of other problems (OCD, PTSD, gender dysphoria, etc). I'm not sure Esperanto gatherings are the best place to step out of something like that... although ANYWHERE is fine because you learn as you go.

There are no Esperanto gatherings around me. My impression is that Esperantists are just like anyone else, though. There are nice people and mean people. And sarcastic people, and people who try to be good but end up doing the wrong thing. There are people with something to prove, and people who feel small and have to compensate. And then finally there are psychopaths. I'm not trying to scare you; that's just the way the world is! Eventually we have to learn how to face it exactly how it is, or we end up becoming what we fear most. After all, it's almost always fear that drives people to do things that hurt others. The rest of the time it's resentment.

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