글: 10
언어: English
icewater (프로필 보기) 2015년 7월 27일 오후 3:52:12
I only have about five days' exposure to the language, so I'm hoping the community here might help.
After repeated iterations of automated translation and dropping/moving words, I don't have much confidence in the results. Would anyone be willing to offer suggestions?
I put brackets around words that I think might be OK to drop. I tried to get single-syllable words to the end of lines because that's where the emphasis falls in the song.
ASLEEP AND DREAMING
I've seen you laugh / at nothing at all
[Mi] Vidis vin ridi / je nenio
I've seen you sadly weeping
[Mi] Vidis vin triste ploras
The sweetest thing / I ever saw
[La] Plej dolĉa aĵo [vido?] / [Mi] Iam vidis
Was you asleep and dreaming
Dormas kaj sonĝas vi estis.
Well you may not be beautiful
Ne rajtas esti bela vi
But it's not for me to judge
Sed ne povas juĝi mi
I don't know if you're beautiful
Ne scias ĉu estas bela vi
Because I love you too much
Ĉar amas vin tro multe mi
I've seen you laugh / at nothing at all
[Mi] Vidis vin ridi / je nenio
I've seen you sadly weeping
[Mi] Vidis vin triste ploras
The sweetest thing / I ever saw
[La] Plej dolĉa aĵo [vido?] / [Mi] Iam vidis
Was you asleep and dreaming
Dormas kaj sonĝas vi estis.
I've seen you when / your ship came in
[Mi] Vidis vin kiam / via ŝipo venis
And when your train was leaving
Kaj kiam via trajno forlasis
The sweetest thing / I ever saw
[La] Plej dolĉa aĵo [vido?] / [Mi] Iam vidis
Was you asleep and dreaming
Dormas kaj sonĝas vi estis.
nornen (프로필 보기) 2015년 7월 27일 오후 4:02:22
icewater:I'd like to translate "Asleep and Dreaming", by The Magnetic Fields, into Esperanto: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJsK2mSUwnMJust my two cents
I only have about five days' exposure to the language, so I'm hoping the community here might help.
After repeated iterations of automated translation and dropping/moving words, I don't have much confidence in the results. Would anyone be willing to offer suggestions?
I put brackets around words that I think might be OK to drop. I tried to get single-syllable words to the end of lines because that's where the emphasis falls in the song.
ASLEEP AND DREAMING
Dormanta kaj Songxanta (or revanta, depends)
I've seen you laugh / at nothing at all
Mi Vidis vin ridi / je nenio
I've seen you sadly weeping
Mi Vidis vin triste plori
The sweetest thing / I ever saw
[La] Plej dolĉa aĵo [vido?] / kiun [Mi] Iam vidis (in Esperanto you cannot drop relative pronouns. The apple I found = La pomo, kiun mi trovis.)
Was you asleep and dreaming
Cxu vi Dormis kaj sonĝis
Well you may not be beautiful
Eble vi ne belas / estas bela
But it's not for me to judge
Sed mi ne rajtas juĝi
I don't know if you're beautiful
[mi] Ne scias ĉu estas bela vi
Because I love you too much
Ĉar amas vin tro (multe) mi
[...]
I've seen you when / your ship came in
[Mi] Vidis vin kiam / via ŝipo venis
And when your train was leaving
Kaj kiam via trajno foriris/forveturis
[...]
Tempodivalse (프로필 보기) 2015년 7월 27일 오후 5:29:15
nornen:This is not quite right; this was not a question, but a continuation of "The sweetest thing / I ever saw"
Was you asleep and dreaming
Cxu vi Dormis kaj sonĝis
If you want to preserve the meter (emphasis of syllables) of the text, though, you'll need to get more creative. Otherwise it will be difficult to sing the song in Esperanto without changing the melody.
Note also that English often uses fewer syllables than Esperanto does - so might want to resort to elision (Rule 16 of Fundamento) and look for shorter way to say things. Don't feel compelled to translate everything exactly when dealing with lyrics/poetry.
You're doing pretty well for 5 days' worth, though. Learning a few minor points about syntax should go a long way (for example: you can't have more than one main verb (ending in -s) in a clause).
nornen (프로필 보기) 2015년 7월 27일 오후 6:54:30
Tempodivalse:Thank you very much. I hadn't seen that.nornen:This is not quite right; this was not a question, but a continuation of "The sweetest thing / I ever saw"
Was you asleep and dreaming
Cxu vi Dormis kaj sonĝis
La plej dolcxa afero estas vi dormanta kaj songxanta.
Kirilo81 (프로필 보기) 2015년 7월 27일 오후 8:37:48
Maybe try some prose first (no poems), and, first of all, read a lot in order to get a feeling for stylistics.
Keep up the good work!
BTW: Greetings to all from the 100th UK in Lille.
Tempodivalse (프로필 보기) 2015년 7월 27일 오후 8:56:08
Kirilo81:Congratulations, but I'd advice you not to start with such a difficult task like translating songsThat depends on your learning style. For me, it is often helpful to jump in the deep end right away - I progress much more quickly when I push myself to do about a notch more than I think I can handle. Most educators don't like this method because it causes a lot of initial frustration, but it has worked well for me. Besides, I don't like to do anything part-way.
If translating lyrics or poetry really captivates you, go ahead. You'll be surprised at how much faster you progress when you're doing something you love. Just make sure you learn where your mistakes are along the way, and how not to repeat them.
erinja (프로필 보기) 2015년 7월 27일 오후 9:32:26
icewater (프로필 보기) 2015년 7월 28일 오전 1:49:33
Many years ago an Argentinian friend in the US, learning English, said that singing along with lyrics was helpful for developing natural and flowing pronunciation - your musical memory keeps you on track.
But using an awful translation is probably counter-productive.
Maybe I could start with existing music already in Esperanto, if I can find something that's tolerable/engaging... 
lagtendisto (프로필 보기) 2015년 7월 28일 오후 5:56:52
icewater:Maybe I could start with existing music already in Esperanto, if I can find something that's tolerable/engaging...You could check out Vinilkosmo's catalog. Most Esperanto music were released by VK.
icewater (프로필 보기) 2015년 7월 29일 오전 12:58:17
spreecamper:Superbazaro by Martin Weise is on its way to me!icewater:Maybe I could start with existing music already in Esperanto, if I can find something that's tolerable/engaging...You could check out Vinilkosmo's catalog. Most Esperanto music were released by VK.