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Translation help for story dialogue

de ljbookworm, 2009-oktobro-12

Mesaĝoj: 40

Lingvo: English

ljbookworm (Montri la profilon) 2009-oktobro-12 12:24:10

I'm writing a short story set in the distant future, where space travel is a reality and humanity's shared language is esperanto. I want to include a short conversation in esperanto (which might be cut down if I find the necessary translation to english too clumsy). My esperanto, however, is still very basic.

Would anyone be willing to translate these phrases for me?
-------

"This is Kendra Farshaw, to any Earth vessels. Come in, Earth vessels. Kendra to any Earth vessels."

"Saluton Kendra. This is the starship Zamenhof. Are you aware that you are transmitting only in infra-red?"

"I am being held on a Shaikon cargo ship. Can you pass this news on to my parents on Terra Epsilon?"

"Of course. I regret that we cannot assist you further."

"Can you give us any tactical information which may be of use?"

Rogir (Montri la profilon) 2009-oktobro-12 18:53:49

Jen Kendra Farŝaŭ, al ĉiuj ajn Teraj ŝipoj. Respondu, Teraj ŝipoj. Kendra al ĉiuj ajn Teraj ŝipoj.
Saluton Kendra. Stelŝipo Zamenhof ĉi tie. Ĉu vi konscias ke vi sendas nur infraruĝe?
Mi teniĝas en Ŝajkona ŝarĝoŝipo. Ĉu vi povas trapasigi la novaĵon al miaj gepatroj sur Tero Epsilono?
Memkompreneble. Mi bedaŭras ke ni ne povas helpi vin pli.
Ĉu vi povas doni iujn taktikajn informojn utilajn?

ljbookworm (Montri la profilon) 2009-oktobro-12 18:57:45

rideto.gif
Dankon. And you've even taught me some sci-fi themed Esperanto!

Rogir (Montri la profilon) 2009-oktobro-12 20:32:28

I am not at all experienced with Esperanto science fiction, but my translation should be grammatically correct and generally understandable by everyone.

Greyshades (Montri la profilon) 2009-oktobro-13 00:05:44

I always thought a story where a character was sent to an Esperanto speaking era/world and had to try to learn the language would be great.

Bonan sorton kun via rakonto ridulo.gif

mnlg (Montri la profilon) 2009-oktobro-13 06:33:39

Greyshades:I always thought a story where a character was sent to an Esperanto speaking era/world and had to try to learn the language would be great.
Something of this sort happens in Red Dwarf, although in a comedic setting.

Cosi (Montri la profilon) 2009-oktobro-13 09:33:32

ljbookworm: Hope you'll share your story with us, when it is ready ridulo.gif Bonŝancon!

ljbookworm (Montri la profilon) 2009-oktobro-13 09:38:42

You bet.
Its actually so cool that I managed to work some esperanto into my writing. ridulo.gif It makes me smile just thinking about it.
rideto.gif

erinja (Montri la profilon) 2009-oktobro-20 01:54:22

Rogir's translation is generally good but I'd modify it slightly:
Jen Kendra Farshaw, al ĉiuj ajn teraj ŝipoj. Respondu, teraj ŝipoj. Kendra al ĉiuj ajn teraj ŝipoj.
Saluton Kendra. Stelŝipo Zamenhof ĉi tie. Ĉu vi konscias ke vi sendas nur infraruĝe?
Mi kaptiĝas en ŝajkona ŝarĝoŝipo. Ĉu vi povas pasi la novaĵon al miaj gepatroj sur Tero Epsilono?
Kompreneble. Mi bedaŭras ke ni ne povas helpi vin pli.
Ĉu vi povas doni al ni ajnan taktikan informon kiun ni povus utiligi?

Notes on my version:
- adjective forms of proper names are not normally capitalized in Esperanto. So I live in "Usono", but I spend "usonaj dolaroj" at the store.

"Memkompreneble" is a little redundant to my ear. "Kompreneble" already means "of course" to me; at least, that's the colloquial use I hear.

I changed "tenigxi" to "kaptigxi". Being held has connotations of being captured in English, but in Esperanto, if someone "tenigxas" in a ship, I would not necessarily understand that the person is held prisoner. "kaptigxi" has the sense of being captured somewhere.

I wouldn't 'esperantize' Kendra's last name. Names are left as-is in most Esperanto literature, so long as they were originally written in the Esperanto alphabet (also note that "farnsxaux" would end in an -ow sound in Esperanto, rhyming with "cow" in English)

Pasi means to pass. It's a transitive verb. Pasigi is to cause something to pass (so "mi pasigas tempon en loko", I make time pass in a place, i.e. I spend time somewhere). You could also use "transdoni" (literally "to give across", less literally "to hand over") if you really want to have a trans in there. Transpasi sounds weird to me.

mnlg (Montri la profilon) 2009-oktobro-20 06:26:59

erinja:if someone "tenigxas" in a ship, I would not necessarily understand that the person is held prisoner.
I think "teniĝi" is sufficient; I have seen it used for that meaning. Rather I would change it to "Mi estas tenata", if it is an ongoing situation; -iĝ- would suggest that the change is happening right then.

erinja:Pasi means to pass. It's a transitive verb.
No, "pasi" is intransitive.

erinja:Transpasi sounds weird to me
Transpasi as in "to pass from one side to the other" sounds perfectly acceptable to me.

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