Meddelelser: 9
Sprog: English
Hyoyo (Vise profilen) 6. okt. 2010 12.03.37
ceigered (Vise profilen) 6. okt. 2010 13.27.53
"The wind came. Dolosio, with her uncle Henrio/Henry and uncle Amo/Love, lived in the big city in the middle of Kansas. The uncles managed a farm. They lived en tiny tiny home. There, there were four walls, one ceiling and a floor. The big flower bed of the uncles was in one corner, and the small flower bed of Dolosio in the next corner. There, there was not an attic, nor basement. Only a (? faso?) was (? deep? "baso" is "bass" as in a deep sound I think. Not sure what other word there is for "deep") under the earth. It was named "Cyclon Faso" (ciklono faso?). When cyclones came they hid their (something) in there, becuase a wind could sweep everyone on the earth."
There are a few errors, but your writing is very good and you are clearly very clever at Esperanto
I shall do some corrections which I can attend to. Some words I'm not sure of, and they have question marks next to them.
La vento venis. Dolosio, kun shia onklo Henrio kaj onklo (onklino?) Amo, loghis en la grandaThe reason why at the end I've written "La vento povis balai ĉiun" is because it's not just any wind (e.g. the normal wind), but the wind of the cyclone's.herbourbo en la centrejo de Kansaso. La/Shiaj onkloj administradis farmon. Ili loghis en eta, eta domo. Jen (or "estis") kvar muroj, unu plafono kaj planko. Labedegolitego (?) de la geonkloj estis en unu angulo kaj labedetoliteto de Dolosio en la plua (or "alia", "mala", kaj tiel plu) angulo. Tie, estis (or just "Estis" without "tie") nek mansardo, nek keleto. Nur faso (?) (you could have "kiu" here, but you would have to change the prior "." into a ",") estis malalte (?) sub la tero. Ghi estis nomata 'cyclonaciklona faso (?)'.Kiamcyclonociklono venis, ili kashis sin en ghi, char la vento povis balai chiun sur la tero
But saying "char la vento de la ciklono povis balai chiun" sounds too long, so the "de la ciklono" part can be made into just a "la" before "vento".
Also, what's a "faso"? Perhaps "bunkro" or "ŝirmejo/shirmejo" could work, if I'm correct in thinking this is a cyclone shelter?
Lastly, just watch out with your spaces, every comma and fullstop/period should have a space after it before the next word (I'm guessing if you normally type in Chinese you don't need to worry about that, it'd be good if that was the same for Latin-script languages but our fonts aren't very logical are they ) Capitals also are only used if it's the start of a sentence, or if a word is a noun that represents something special, like a person's name, a city, a planet, a country, etc. So "Onklo" mid sentence would look like someone's name, like how in some Asian countries, kids call older men "Uncle" as if it's their name
Sed, krom tio, bonege!
erinja (Vise profilen) 6. okt. 2010 14.09.21
Looks like Dorothy's name is rendered as Dolosio; it's Doroteo in the Esperanto translation that has been written. Auntie Em is Onklino Em in the Esperanto translation, and Uncle Henry is Onklo Henriko, following the widely accepted translation for Henry.
You've missed some points in your corrections, ceigered. Herbo (grass) isn't meant to be urbo (city); Dorothy and her aunt and uncle live in the middle of the plains. The correct translation would be kamparo (countryside, plains).
The word "bedo" (flowerbed) should instead be "lito" (bed to sleep in).
For reference, you can read the Esperanto text of the story, as stored by Project Gutenberg.
However, it's still a great idea to write your own translation for the sake of learning. Maybe you could translate the paragraphs one by one, and after you translate each paragraph, look at the Esperanto translation that already exists, to compare what you did, to what the other translator did.
ceigered (Vise profilen) 6. okt. 2010 15.21.27
I apologise for the points I missed, not caring much for the Wizard of Oz, being more a future/space opera fan myself.
erinja (Vise profilen) 6. okt. 2010 15.35.17
Hyoyo (Vise profilen) 7. okt. 2010 01.08.14
I think i am affected by "Chinese idea" .Just below:
La vento venis.Dolosio,kun shia onklo Henrio kaj onklino Emo,loghis en la granda herbo en centrejo de Kansaso. La onklo administradis farmon.
Ili loghis en eta,eta domo.Jen kvar muroj,unu plafono kaj planko.La litego de la geonkloj estis en unu angulo kaj la liteto de Dolosio en la alia angulo.Tie estis nek mansardo,nek kelo.Nur truo estis ?base? en la tero.Ghi estis nomita 'ciklonotruo' de ili.Kiam ciklono venis ili kashis ?sijn? en ghi, char la vento povis balai chion sur la tero. ¤thanks
ceigered (Vise profilen) 7. okt. 2010 06.00.13
Hyoyo:Thanks for all your help!This is much better I think. "herbo" as Erinja wrote I think should be "kamparo", e.g. "many fields", therefore:
I think i am affected by "Chinese idea" .Just below:
La vento venis.Dolosio,kun shia onklo Henrio kaj onklino Emo,loghis en la granda herbo en centrejo de Kansaso. La onklo administradis farmon.
Ili loghis en eta,eta domo.Jen kvar muroj,unu plafono kaj planko.La litego de la geonkloj estis en unu angulo kaj la liteto de Dolosio en la alia angulo.Tie estis nek mansardo,nek kelo.Nur truo estis ?base? en la tero.Ghi estis nomita 'ciklonotruo' de ili.Kiam ciklono venis ili kashis ?sijn? en ghi, char la vento povis balai chion sur la tero. ¤thanks
"loghis en granda kamparo en centrejo/centro de kansaso" (maybe centro is better, "centrejo" sounds like a place where all things meet together, e.g. "la centrejo de la lagoj").
Otherwise they would live in this if you say herbo .
"Kiam ciklono venis ili kashis ?sijn? en ghi, char la vento povis balai chion sur la tero."
-> this could be "Kiam ciklono venis ili kashis sin en ghi, char la vento povis balai chiun/chion sur la tero"
(which means "When a cyclone came, they kept themselves in it, because the wind could blow over everyone/everything on the earth")
OR
"Kiam ciklono venis ili kashis siajn ajhojn en ghi, char la vento povis balai chion sur la tero"
("When a cyclone came, they kept their things in it, because the wind could blow over everything on the earth")
You may also replace "truo" with "bunkro" if you wish, it depends, "ciklonotruo" = a cyclone hole, while "ciklonobunkro" = a place to shelter yourself from cyclones.
If all they have is a simple dug out hole, then "truo" is what you need OK .
erinja (Vise profilen) 7. okt. 2010 11.59.05
ceigered (Vise profilen) 7. okt. 2010 12.43.38
erinja:Let's not conflate ŝin/ŝiajn with sin/siajn, nowI'm losing me marbles today! Edited